"The Bowel Movement Bandit," "Poopgangsta," and "The Phantom Pooper" are just a few of the names given to an Ohio man who is suspected of defecating on at least 19 cars over the past three years.
The miscreant has a distinct modus operandi, according to local reports. He typically strikes anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 a.m to ensure an especially — well, shitty — morning commute for his victims. From Chevrolets to Camrys, no car make or model is safe.
The Mystery Pooper, who has not been identified, has restricted his bowel bombardments to one neighborhood in Akron thus far, according to ABC News, though some have been hit multiple times. One woman's car has been pooped on seven times over the years; another man said his car has been struck six times, with the feces being smeared it on his car's hood, door handles, gas tank cover, windshield and mirrors.
The Akron police are looking for anyone who can help identify and locate the Mystery Pooper. (If that's you, call 330-375-2552 with any information.) Hopefully, officers are wearing hazmat suits when apprehending the vengeful pooper.
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