Look, if we are going on past record, Australia hasn't done so well with security at global events. Well one in particular ruined it for all the others.
In case you don't recall, this magnificent event happened at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Leaders Summit Summit in 2007. The Chaser, a satirical Australian comedy group got waved through checkpoint after checkpoint of security barriers until they were right outside George Bush's hotel, with one member dressed as Osama bin Laden. If you weren't on the security team, it was the funniest thing to hit Australian screens. If you were on the security team, well, you are probably not supervising this year.
This week, the G20 Leaders' Summit is kicking off in Brisbane, Australia, on Nov. 15 and 16 with 26 of the world's most powerful leaders in attendance. Prime Minister Tony Abbott called it "the most important meeting ever held in Australia."
So with such high standards, come strong security measures. Least of all to ensure pranksters do not get anywhere near the main event, or Vladimir Putin for that matter, who The Chaser surely want to give a good shirt-fronting.
So take this as a strong warning, leave your eggs and your surf ski at home. Although Queenslanders have the day off, this is not the time to dress up as your favourite superhero or take a kite for a fly. In the security zone set up for the Summit in the heart of Brisbane's CBD, the list of banned objects is varied and strange. Prepare yourself, Brisbane.
This weekend is not ideal to take your pet python for a stroll to the local park. "A reptile, insect or other animal capable of causing physical harm if released in close proximity to a person" is not allowed in the zone and doing so may result in a strip search. You never know where Ziggy the baby crocodile could be hiding.
Crocodile being eaten by a snake in Australia. pic.twitter.com/pSmhrVLb1T— Globe Pics (@Globe_Pics) Tháng 3 28, 2014
2. Glass jars and bottles
Hipsters beware, your juice in a glass jar with a paper straw is not wanted near Vlad. Who knows what you are hiding under that beard? Don't try bringing a BYO bottle of wine to celebrate with the delegates either. Just take yourself home to West End or bring a cask.
3. Whips and handcuffs
Don't bring out your kinky side near the G20. If it isn't appropriate at your parent's house, it isn't okay in front of the world's leaders.
4. Urine or animal manure
Just hope your dog doesn't need to go to the toilet in the security zone, or this could look very incriminating. If you don't have a dog and you are carrying around animal droppings, it is probably best you are detained and taken to somewhere far, far away.
5. Anything you can throw
This inclusion makes the most sense. It is well known our penchant for throwing things of all kinds, such as salami sandwiches, vegemite sandwiches and leather shoes. Especially at leaders we don't care for.
"A thing that is not a weapon but is capable of being used to cause harm to a person" is banned along with "an object commonly known as paint bomb, flour bomb or similar item capable of being thrown or propelled, including, for example, a paper bag containing flour that is intended to be thrown." So don't even consider starting a food fight at this meeting.
As much as we all love a dress-up party, this weekend it might be best to keep the clown costume in the cupboard and pass up the drag show. Anything that is capable of disguising or concealing your identity, besides for religious reasons, is not allowed near the centre of town.
7. A manually operated surf ski or surfboard, kayak, boat or canoe
The only obvious reason to include this on the list is to prevent the prime minister from stripping off to his budgie smugglers at an inappropriate moment. This makes sense.
8. Weapons of pretty much any type
We are well aware of the president of Russia's hunting skills which he often likes to show off while running around shirtless in the Russian wilderness. We don't want him to bring those skills Down Under. But, who needs weapons when you've got shirt-fronting? Hey, Abbott?
The full list:
Tags: AUSTRALIA, G20, TONY ABBOTT, US & World