News that Facebook secretly manipulated hundreds of thousands of users' News Feeds to test their emotional responses to negative and positive posts has prompted outrage among some users. For others, it explains a lot.
Diary of a Facebook user
(with a tip of the hat to The New Yorker)
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Woke up feeling really good. The air is crisp, the skies are clear and I know exactly what I have to do at work today. Checked in on Facebook before hopping on my bike for a 5k around the park. Even my muscles are smiling.
It’s good to be alive.
Saturday, March 29
My friend Emily has hit a rough patch and laid it all out on Facebook. It’s tough. She lost her job, and her dog has something called acute collapse. Zander is in a bad way, too. He’s openly complaining about his husband, Gil. The two just don’t get along anymore. Not sure I would post that on Facebook, though. There was also this guy Hamish, whom I don’t know. I guess he’s a friend of a friend. Anyway, he’s sad Obama is letting him down.
Skipping the bike ride today.
Monday, April 14
Hahahah, that was the best 10 minutes of my life. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but what a collection of funny posts — and all from different people! Jill told a joke about a psychic and a dog. I don’t think she made it up, but it was still hil-lar-rious! George Takei shared something so silly I got the uncontrollable giggles. Even Marissa — who is so humorless she sat through The Hangover 1 without cracking so much as a grin — shared a picture of a baby playing paddleball with a congressman that had me rolling on the floor with laughter.
Leaving the bike behind and running 10K through the city. Huzzah!
Wednesday, April 23
Everyone can just go “F” off. I am so sick of everything and I am not alone. Rebecca told this story on Facebook of how she started screaming at her executive assistant and couldn’t stop. The girl ran out of the office without even finishing the lattes she brought for her and Rebecca. Bart went on a rant about the sanitation workers. He says they have woken him up at 4 a.m. for the last time. I think the cartoon of garbagemen as Satan was unnecessary. In Irene’s post, she just wrote “FML” over and over again.
Feel like punching a wall — again.
Sunday, May 11
I. Cant. Stop. Crying. I’m sad and I don’t even know why. Started my day the usual way. Had artisanal coffee and a baguette. Took a quick shower and then checked my email. I was on Facebook for a little while. Okay, that’s a lie. I was on for 45 minutes. The thing is, there is a lot of pain in this world. There’s a sick little boy who needs our prayers. Actually, there were two dozen of them on Facebook this morning. People I don’t even know (I guess someone I know knows them) were talking about their broken marriages. Mary posted about her son Jerry. He’s a highly regarded Broadway producer who just delivered his first flop. I think it was a musical called “Thor: Asgardian Soliloquy.”
I’m going back to bed.
Friday, May 30
Finally got out of bed and boy am I glad I did. So much to do. I don’t know if I should exercise or build that cabinet first. There are so many ideas. Facebook is filled with them. There’s “How to Live a Better Life,” “Your Cat Is the Key to Divinity,” “Build a House From a Single Paperclip,” “Water Is Wonderful.” Everyone on Facebook is building something. Trey opened a bagel shop on Murray Street. They’re selling something called Bagnuts. I think it’s a mix between bagels and donuts. It could also be bagels with mashed hazelnuts on it. I really don’t know. Ivy finally built that flowerbox she’s been posting about for months. It looks amazing.
Figuring out how I can build a birdhouse while cycling through Brooklyn.
Tuesday, June 10
What, did I just hear something? I’m pretty sure I’m being stalked. Then again, I’m not alone. Teresa posted a long and horrifying tale of her ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t stop forwarding her her mail. They broke up six weeks ago and he’s sending her ALL of her physical mail. Poor Teresa. Al’s Facebook post was another in his series of tales about how his coffee truck guy is actually NSA head Michael S. Rogers. The latest post only said, “He’s serving me coffee and watching me.” Rochelle posted an Instagram (which showed up on Facebook) of a guy standing in the shadows while smoking a cigarette. What is he doing there? I’m worried that —
Had to stop to check my windows and doors. Pretty sure I’m being watched.
Thursday, June 19
About to hit the road and try my first 20k. Looked at Facebook for a few minutes this morning, but nobody has anything interesting today. It seems so random. Whatevs.
BONUS: Everything You Wish You Could Say to Your Facebook Friends